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The Single Girl’s Christmas Prayer

This Christmas may I have at least one really nice date.
May his car have clean seats and glass in all the windows
May he not be more than three hours late
May his left eye match the one on the right
May he have all his front teeth and not be high a a kite
May he have all his hormones under control
May he wear clean underpants without any holes
May his whiskers not burn and make my face blotch
May he think with his brain and not with his crotch
And, Lord, if I might ask for just one thing more…
May he have good aim in my bathroom and not pee on my clean floor

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