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RW – Stop Looking for Love

One day, I was hiking with a group I’d found by picking up a brochure at a local bookstore. I couldn’t help but hear an older gentleman complaining to a woman walking beside him.

“Well, where else are you supposed to meet people?” he said with an air of defeat. “I don’t like the bars. I’ve tried the dating clubs.”

He might as well have said to her, “Look, I’m only on the hike today to meet a woman, and I’m striking up a conversation with you to see if you might be her. I’m very unhappy on my own right now. And no matter where I go or where I look, I strike out. I’m frustrated. Are you her?”

Well, would you want to date a man like that? I wouldn’t. I’d be afraid he’d be expecting me to hand him HIS life and HIS happiness on a silver platter.

How much more attractive and vital he would have been if he’d been on the hike to enjoy the exercise, fresh air, and nature with an upbeat attitude. Then, he’d be spending his time doing something he really enjoyed and VERY LIKELY he’d make new friends who enjoy the same activities. But with his whiny attitude, I wasn’t surprised to hear he was having trouble “meeting people”.

I always set out to enjoy the activity, don’t worry about “meeting” someone, and come home feeling I’ve enjoyed myself. And I meet lots of people. It doesn’t matter if they are a romantic prospect or not. Imagine, if I went on a hike LOOKING FOR A ROMANTIC PARTNER. Most times, I’d be coming home disappointed and discouraged, instead of recharged from the exercise, and I’d soon start to feel and sound like our dejected gentleman hiker.

It’s so unattractive.

Your goal must be happiness, not a partner. Concentrate on expanding your social network, not finding “the one”. Cultivate friendships of both sexes, of all ages, wherever you go. People know people.

The more people you know, the more people you’ll meet through them, and the more fulfilling and fun your life will become. And you MUST enjoy your life. The moment you do, you’ll PROJECT yourself as someone who’s enjoying her life, and that is very, very, attractive. The social and dating invitations naturally follow. Vital, attractive, happy, confident, dateable, single people are not standing on every street corner. Become one of them, and like-minded people will naturally want to seek you out.

Do NOT go out there in the world “looking” for “the one”. Ever.

Have you ever heard you find love when you’re not looking? It made no sense to me, for the longest time. I thought people were trying to suggest I’d stumble on romance as soon as I managed to stop wanting one. And since romance is so lovely, almost everyone wants one!

But here’s the deal: When you’re “looking” for love, you’re looking desperate. It’s as simple as that. I absolutely disagree 100 per cent with the notion that one should tell everyone they know they’re “looking” for a romantic partner, as if that would increase one’s chances. In fact, it will have the opposite effect. I would have no desire to date a man broadcasting to the universe he was “looking” for a relationship. How could I be sure he wanted ME, and not just a warm body doubling as a security blanket?

But if you’re “out there” looking for fun, friendships, adventure and new experiences, you get very, very happy with the process. You enjoy the journey, and stop worrying about the destination. You’re confident. You glow. And you begin to ATTRACT things TO yourself. Part of what you’ll attract is romantic interest. Trust me. It’s like magic. People want to be around happy, confident, glowing people.

So don’t forget the Golden Rule. Unless you’re practising the world’s oldest profession, don’t ever step outside your front door LOOKING for love. Go out there looking to spread some joy, meet new people and enjoy your life.

Karin J. MacKenzie is a 40-something, single woman and the author of, “Live a Fabulous Single Life… and Attract All the Friendships, Romance and Adventure You Can Handle”. Visit []

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