Are you dating someone who is always late?
Do you and other people feel upset with your love interest because they break their agreements? Does your love interest start out with the best intentions, but somehow manages to get lost in traffic, distractions, other people, or memory loss?
If you answer yes to any of the above, you may want to look at other indications that will reveal if your date has Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Up until the 1970s, experts thought ADD only existed in children. However, it is now known that at least 4% to 7% of the adult population suffers from it. Of the estimated percentage of adults who have ADD, only 15% of them are aware that they have it.
People with this disability did not choose it–they were born with it. And though they are often gifted in many areas of their lives, they may have many characteristics that annoy or disappoint others. Adults with ADD are often warm, generous, and creative, yet they often meet with hostility from others because of their challenging characteristics.
One of their biggest areas of difficulty is listening.
What they do.
They fidget. When you try to have a conversation with them, they are tapping their pencil, shaking their foot, picking at their fingers, or wiggling in their chair. Sitting still and getting focused is difficult, if not impossible. This inability to pay attention results in their only hearing selected parts of your conversation.
What you can do.
Obviously, if you have noticed the person you are fond of having trouble paying attention, being on time, and keeping agreements, you may want to suggest that they see a professional. Psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, or coaches may be able to give the person insight and understanding. The person may need medication and therapy. Encourage them to seek the help they need.
In the meantime, how can you deal with their inattentiveness? You may have to say their name several times to get their attention. Don’t start talking to them until you have eye contact, because they will not be able to focus on what you are saying. Touch their arm or their hand to bring their focus to you. Tell them in a pleasant voice that you need to talk to them.
If there is irritation in your voice, they will go away more emotionally, and be less present for you.
You need to remember to remove distractions before you have a conversation. Turn off the TV, radio, CD player, or computer and ask them to face you. It is extremely difficult for them to listen if there is anything flashing on a screen.
If you need to talk to them about anything of significance, you may also want to do it when there is no one else in the room. It even helps to remove pets.
If your date is always late, you could fuss and fume–or you could find more positive ways of helping them to be on time. It may comfort you to remember that they aren’t doing this to you–it is a result of their inability to listen, and to be organized.
Adults with ADD have many remarkable qualities. Focus on what they do bring to you and help them with what they are not so good at and you may have the best date ever.
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer.
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