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What REAL Soldiers DO Like in a Relationship

Having been deployed three times and getting a divorce because of it really teaches people a lot about themselves.

You can say you are dedicated and can handle it but until it happens it’s only an idea. Life was perfect for me in Southern California and if you told me in March 2005 that in two years I’d be divorced and living in Tajikistan I’d have sent you out for drug testing.

Yet it happened.

She was not a military wife. She thought she was, but she could not handle it. It happens ALL the time. You think you can, but you can’t. She is angry at me for being in the Army, I am mad at her for running off with a mutual friend.

By the way, in the Army we call that guy “Jody.” When we are at war, “Jody” stays home and fools around with your wife or girlfriend. If we stay in long enough we see many Jodys. They are the parasites who take the place of the military service member.

Plenty of folks join at 18 and get out at 38, so when you meet a guy in the military who is over 40 and divorced his head is usually spinning from things going on around him. He may be a reservist, he may have had a bad relationship because of his military status, his finances may be a mess, oh yes, and people half his age and twice as fast as he is may be shooting at him.

While I was deployed and had downtime I was able to sign up on dating sites.

Some were serious like Match, and some were flirty like fubar. I met women who claimed to have been in a marriage where there was no sex, the men never paid then any attention, they were great cooks, and looking for a man who…well let’s face it ladies, men don’t read past the “I need sex” part. If you are cute and want sex we reply.

And therein lies how I lost lots of money sending money for plane tickets, passports, babysitters, etc. The scammers know how to get us, just like they know how to get you. Let’s just hope we all learn from our mistakes.

After a few emails from women who needed sex I learned to ignore them, true or not. Better safe than sorry.

I started to look for people who have a life. They scuba dive, skydive, fly, write, or even if you just plant flowers and raise a cockatoo that’s fine. In other words, be a person of substance and have your own experiences to bring to the table. You do not have to have a resume a mile long or anything like that, just tell us what you are like.

Maybe you hate peanuts on your ice cream sundae. Or you think coconut is shredded cardboard. Or you are afraid of heights. Or prefer dogs to cats. You collect coins, hate mornings, need one shower a day, and drive an import.

See?

All that is personal detail that is about the person. That little bit was about me. There is really nothing in there about what you want in another, it is just who you are. That is the information that grounds a person’s description. That is much more than just being in the military.

So when you ask about us, we are really eager to share info about us!

We will tell you about the countryside here, the people, where we trained, how we got here, what the food is like, what we do for the holidays, where we want to go on leave, where we have gone, where we have been stationed before, when we joined, why we joined, what our family thought of us joining, what our life goal is, do we want or have kids, what they like, why they make us laugh, what we miss most about home, what we miss least about home.

Now all that information will paint a picture for you. Do you like what you see? Respond in kind. Does he like you? Good, now you can move on to Phase 2 and ask question you don’t want your mother to know you have asked. In all this, the best advice I can give is to never settle. Mr. Right is better than Mr. Right Now. Because when you meet Mr. Right you will feel imprisoned by your previous brash decisions.

Now let’s look at the scammers.

Drama! Their wife died and a relative in a far off country is watching their child. Check for dead people at http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/cgi-bin/ssdi.cgi . In reality if something major happens like that while in service we get home for leave. If no one can take the child a compassionate discharge is not out of the question. But sending a kid to Nigeria? Hold the phone please.

They are in the Army? Prove it. Can you show me your CAC card? Tell me your unit? Show me the orders deploying you? Tell me your MOS? DOR? BEPD? GT score? They should be able to rattle off that information easier than counting to ten. And NONE of that is classified.


In the past I have researched claims of military membership for folks.
We all have access to what is like military White pages. Anyone in the military can do this, so you can call a recruiter or anyone you know in the military. Now there may be suppressed members like if you are in Delta Force, but they’d not be whining that they need cash to anyone.

Oh, the scammers so need money. They need cash for a satphone yet they are online, which means Skype to the US is free. Or they can get a Google phone number for free. When I was deployed I indeed needed debts paid, so I had a friend write checks that I had pre-signed for me. Easy enough. It’s no different than if you were out of town for a month and had to have another person help you. Before we deploy our money goes into a stateside bank, and if there is an issue (and there can be, I had one) the finance office will fix it in a few days.

We do not pay for leave or to retire early. DA31 is the Army leave form, you can find the others. I only need permission from my chain of command for leave and travel is usually free from where I am to the states.

Or they need money to build an orphanage or buy stuff for kids or pay a bill back home. And of course only YOU can save the day.

Be alert. If I have money issues I am not going to be looking into dating sites at that time. I will be offline until I get my ducks in a row. Wouldn’t you? And if I needed cash I would not ask anyone to send it to someone in Canada, Idaho or Nigeria.

If I truly desperately needed cash I’d ask for a deposit to a stateside bank. Go to Wells Fargo and deposit money to account 1234. From there it is all electronic. While deployed I needed money transferred from one bank to another and had a friend physically go to the bank and move money, but it never involved Western Union or Moneygram an definitely not a third party. And the whole time it was my money, not yours.

Want to send me something that makes me smile? Get me a newspaper from my hometown. Send me a CD of a recording off of the local radio station, complete with commercials. Send me a magazine about a hobby I like that is from this month. Send me pictures of happy American life that I am fighting for. Send me a picture of you sitting at the computer looking at my web page or our emails. Hand write a letter.

There are exceptions to every rule.

I have lived in a hotel while deployed, even had a rental car. I wore civilian clothes. I worked on things that were classified and that’s all you’ll hear about it. I had drama happen at home which I could not help. While deployed my marriage died, my mother died, and my dog died. But I can verify all of that with my social networking accounts or other info. It’s not secret or unobtainable.

So to sum it up:

Phase 0: Verify a .mil e-mail address. Do not continue the chat if he cannot send you an email from a .mil account. (If he says he is locked out or needs a new password then say fine, see you in 24 hours). Verify hometown. Verify death claims. Verify military status. Ask for MOS and other standard details. Review his social networking page. Google the name that he gives you.

Phase 1: Ask questions about him, give details about you. Avoid talk of money. Get a photo of him holding a paper with your name on it or with him and your webpage. Exchange snail mail addresses.

Phase 2: You can figure this part out. But by now you have found that you have a real soldier.

This was written by an Army soldier, things may differ slightly for other branches. Scammers who read this will start working on ways around it, but it will be a long time until they manage to beat many of these simple rules.


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Comments

  1. Countrymama says:

    Ok I’m nervous after reading all this. I’m talking to a guy I met on social media. He says he’s deployed in Kabul. He says he will be home in December. He has sent me multiple pictures selfies and pictures with his daughter. He says he can’t get mail right now because of threats and hate mail. The snail mail has been cut off for a while I was told. He says it difficult to make phone calls that they have to go through a tech guy and they have to be scheduled. He hasn’t asked me for money. He has told me how much it would cost to start his security company when he gets out. But hasn’t put right asked. He almost seems to good to be true. I haven’t asked any of the other questions you mentioned but I will.

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      Well in that case I suggest you simply speak with him and do absolutely nothing about money whatsoever. If he will be back in December that’s close enough. I will bet you dollars to donuts he is fake because what’s with all these soldiers who have daughters and no waves? I don’t buy it for one second. As for the pictures he sends you, upload them at tineye.com and see if they match up with anybody. You could also look at the name tag on his uniform and see if it matches up with him. Many times scammers get first and last names backwards. They will have names like James Mark or something like that. Don’t send a single penny, he does not need it, trust me. When I was deployed I took home $11,000 a month.

  2. Got a I’M request from a Peter Millay us army soldier in Turkey.He says he is 56.Lives in Houston Texas when not deployed.

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      56? We are pretty much retired by then. He can easily prove who he is, if he is a widower… RUN AWAY!

  3. Felicia says:

    Where can you find actual soldier guys to correspond or date ?

  4. Hi-MSG Robert McLaughlin
    Thanks so much for the information. I am on a military site (women love guys in uniform) and I get so many scammers. I usually can tell in the first few emails. However, this one guy there were 12 emails between us before I figured out he was not real. (he was an average looking person). I told them only to call or skype but now I am going to do exactly what you said. (I just saw this site today) I know I am not foolish to send them money but they are harassing me. They know they cant get anything from me but they keep trying. They find me on meetup, facebook, all of the dating sites, military dating sites. I have friends who would be pen pals to the deployed soliders and want to support them but they are afraid to now. Those scammers are parasites. I kinda got freaked out the first two I met but now I saw this I am going to ask the same things you just said. I felt weird about it but then again if he was a gentleman and understood the stuff we have to deal with they would gladly supply it. I get them on all dating sites and I just started two months ago. Thanks so much.

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      No one should harass you for money.

      • I have a very strange situation involving a “deployed soldier” and am completely on the fence about it all. I’ve got some fear here and there that it’s a fake, and at other time (most of the time) I feel like he is real, and being honest. Have been talking everyday over text for almost 4 months now, met online on a dating app. He now had said that his phone is messed up, and even told me that the reason he wasn’t talking to me for two days was due to his phone. When I told him to get a new phone or battery, he said he lost his debit card and couldn’t get a new one, and that he’s on a highly secret mission that doesn’t allow him to share detailed information including military information or address or email, only contacting him through text. I don’t want to loose this if he is real and actually not able to tell me things, but also don’t want to waste my time and get hurt yet again.

  5. Gail Eichler says:

    Hi MSG Robert Mclaughlin, thank you for sharing your insight.
    I too have met a US soldier on line. He sent me a friend request through Facebook and after chatting through Facebook for about a week he suggested we move to Hangouts.
    We message at least twice a day through Hangouts, he tells me that he cant call me because he hasn’t applied to be able to talk to me.
    He says he’s in Syria, he’s a Staff Sergeant and he’s a Green Beret
    We have been messaging for 8 weeks now and the thing is – I have fallen in love with him. Didn’t mean to and didnt really expect to but I have. He tells me he’s in love with me too so I was a very happy girl until I told a friend of mine and she showed we all this stuff about scammers faking US soldier Facebook accounts… I had no idea this was a thing… Now I’m all confused.
    We have messsged about all sorts of things… what we got up to in our younger days (we’re both in our 40’s), his kids, what he wants to do when he retires, all kinds of stuff. Sometimes we message for hours other times it’s just a quick good morning, he drives the length of our conversations
    I even told him what my friend said and we ended up laughing about it.
    When we first started messaging he told me about his ex-wife and how he got into debt when that fell apart. As time went on and feelings developed on both sides, he decided he wanted to retire early but couldnt until he cleared his debt. So, he asked everyone he knew for a loan and told everyone that he would pay them back when he retired. He took a while to ask me but he did and I’ll be honest I gave him some money, not a lot but I did. I had to borrow it but I gave it to him and he was so appreciative. Reassuring me that he would pay it back as soon as he retired. By the way, he knows I’m broke and that I had to borrow it and there’s no more money. Well that was over 2 weeks ago, as it stands he almost has enough to clear his debt and then apply for early retirement, so that we can start our life together
    I guess I gave him the money because I wanted to show him that I trusted him and also to see if he would hang around after he got my money. Well, we’re still messaging, we’re still telling each other how we feel and we’re still making plans.
    So… why am I telling you? Are you able to tell me that he’s legit so I can tell my friend to shut up?
    🙂

  6. Jennifer Mitchell says:

    I’m talking with a guy who says he is on a peace keep mission in Afghanistan. He has told me his MOS number and has sent pictures from when he was in the states. He initially contacted me on Facebook but wanted to switch to hangouts on Google, then he deleted his Facebook account. He has told me he has a daughter, his parents died in a accident. How can I confirm he is who he says he is?

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      RUN! Parents dying in an accident is a sure thing for FAKE ACCOUNT!

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      FAKE. Run away.

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      1000000% fake

      • Katrin Ruth Tolentino says:

        Hi. I met a guy through online dating and he said his position as air defense US army. We exchanged conversations through hangout for a week already. When i asked him to video call me or call,he kept on saying that he was on patrol or in base and they were not allowed to make any video calls and if they were caught, they might lose their job. Is it really true that you cant do any video call? On the other hand, he also told me that his wife died in a car accident that was her birthday.

        • Katrin Ruth Tolentino says:

          And when I asked his personal identity he told me that “Yeah , we advice not to give it out for now reason , who told you about those ?” “What you asked for are my personal information and I can’t give it out”

          • Hi Sir MSG Robert McLaughlin! I love this forum. I just caught a scammer today from Nigeria and he was actually playing as a Lesbian. I met him in a LGBT dating site. And there this another woman. She claims that she’s in a medic I mean she’s a nurse. She’s using iPad to chat with me in hangouts. I asked her Facebook account but she said that she closed her facebook because of her ex. And she don’t want to do anything with Facebook anymore. I said to her we will videocall but she said she’s in the base and they are not allowed to use gadgets and do videocall. She said she just secretly message me. I think she’s another fake military.

  7. So I met this man on Tinder(a dating site) and we matched and the conversation went well. He asked if I had kik because I guess it’s easier to stay in touch on that then to keep communicating on Tinder. So we’ve been talking allot and he’s said things along the lines about how he’s grown to care for me very deeply..he’s in love again..he’s been divorced for about a year and has 13 months left of his deployment and has only been in Parwan for 5 months..it was his birthday June 5th and he had asked if I could pick him up an Itunes gift card..he never specified an amount so I went cheap..I don’t really know him all too well but ok..it’s his birthday soon so I got him a 15.00 one..it did throw me back a little because though he said it was ok and he appreciated it..guess he was expecting more because he was going to sell it for cash and no one would buy a 15.00 one but that was ok..we still messaged back and forth..I’ve grown so attatched as I just got out of a 6 year relationship that was very abusive and I’m not going to lie but this Joe seems so amazing and it has felt good hearing I love you and miss you and all the talk of things we’ll do when he gets home..but after reading about all these military scammers I’m worried..there was one conversation where he asked for a loan for his ex because she needs it for his boys..he never gave an amount and said before asking for my help..if I couldn’t do it then don’t sweat it..he was just asking..I of course declined..I said I’d love to help if I could but wasn’t able to..truth is..my ex lived off me for 4 out of our six years together and I just wasn’t about to have someone else take me for money again..so I gave my excuse that I have a power bill I’m paying on and couldn’t help..he seemed fine and still talked to me that weekend..he asked if I had heard what happened over where he’s at and said he lost 3 men from his unit..I don’t watch the news because it’s always so depressing so obviously I wouldn’t know..but because I have felt so attatched to him I’ve been so worried..and since we have talked every day..even when he can’t he’s always at least left a message of “I love you and miss you”..but nothing for two days..I left a rather down sounding message how thoughts were just running through my mind with worry if he’s ok or if anything bad happened especially since he just lost 3 men from his unit..and said I’d never even know because no one would ever tell me..girlfriends would never be notified of things like that especially if we met on line..and then I felt bad for sounding so negative..I apologized for sounding like such a debbie downer and said that I realize that I wasn’t being helpful sounding that way and will work on that..because i want to be someone that lifts him up not bring him down..but I see that he’s reading my messages he just has not responded..could he be one of those scammers and since I declined helping him out with a loan he’s figured out he’s not going to be able to use me that way..I’m on a limited income..I am no piggy bank to bleed dry..he’s never asked about my finances but does know I don’t work full time..it didn’t seem to bother him..but what stumped me was the money thing..I’ve been reading now all these articles of military scammers when in the begining I was looking at articles about how to be a supportive girlfriend when dating a man that’s deployed..now I see all these articles about what I should be asking for to verify if he’s really a soldier..I’m scared now because I really grew to like him so much and what I thought we had going was helping me get over and through my horrible break up..it made the pain of it hurt less because I thought I had this amazing man..now i don’t know what I have..could I be one of these women that just got tagged but just lucky I didn’t come out of pocket?

  8. Hi MSG Robert Mclaughlin
    Im not sure you are still on this blog but will try. I was approached on FB by a guy who claims to be 11B and in Syria right now. He texts every 12-14 hours when he is not ‘working’. My cousin is Navy and believes he is infantry but worried his fb account is limited. He is doing further research. I asked for CAC card and he said he has one but will not show it. I said fine dont I dont need to talk anymore to you. He keeps insisting he is military and says he will show it when he comes home. would you just kick his butt to the curb

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      I am still here. We are not in Syria he’s just using it for attention. You can always ask for his mailing address over there AND in the states!

      • Hi MSG Robert McLaughlin…..I just found this site and am curious if you are still actively taking questions. I have a BIG current situation that needs resolution ! I’ve done lots of research on this so called “soldier”. I can’t trust my gutt on it cause I’m on the fence. Any chance we can chat via email ? U want to keep my situation private. Thanks bunches

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      Block him.

  9. There are some fascinating closing dates on this article but I dont know if I see all of them middle to heart.
    There may be sme validity however I will take hold opinion till I look into it
    further. Good article , thanks and we want extra! Added to FeedBurner as nicely

  10. Alicia Kriner says:

    So this is my first time I tried internet dating and an army solider found me. I am getting smitten and I have never had an internet relationship. I actually asked him what his mos was because my friend Jack is retired military. And it looks like he got that right. I just asked for his cac card so I guess I will go from there. But I can not find him on google. Is this unusual.

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      Does he have a Facebook account? Does he have a regular Gmail account? Does his email address end in .mil? Don’t let up on the military questions, only the scammers would be offended by the questions. Ask him about his family, where he lives in the States and what he does. And if he tells you he lost his wife in a car accident and has a child in a third-world country, drop him immediately.

  11. MSG McLaughlin, I’ve been talking to a “soldier” for sometime now. When I asked him about his MOS he replied with the answer Sniper. Intelligence unit. He said he was a SGT 05. He says he’s retiring next year and wants to spend Christmas with me and my son. We text every day and he has even tried to call but we could not hear each other. He tell is telling me now that he doesn’t have access to his accounts and needs some cash to pay some debts. First he wanted to give me his account numbers but I said no. Now he wants to get money from me and he says he will pay me back. I don’t want to do that either. I know all about scams. If he can text me, send me pictures, and tries to call me with his phone, wouldn’t he have internet access? He has a daughter in NYC with a guardian because what family he has doesn’t speak to him. Is this guy real?

    • I almost forgot he says he’s in Libya. Every now and then he disappears while we are talking. He says it’s roll call, or a distress call, or a red alert.

    • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

      The MOS is a number and leter combination. 11B. 38B. 41A. 63C. And so on. Sniper is not an MOS, it is a designator.m B4. So the MOS would be infantry, special forces, etc. Let’s say he is an E5 Sniper in Infantry. His MOS is 11B2B4. 11B = Infantry, 2=E5, B4=Sniper. I was 38B5D: 38B Civil Affairs, 5=E8, D=Instructor. Here are all the designators available: http://usmilitary.about.com/od/enlistedjobs/a/asi.htm

      Also Intelligence are Sniper are two very different career fields. You can google “Army inteligence MOS” and find them quickly.

      I can 100% GUARANTEE that he is fake, he is leading you on until you open your wallet for him.

      • Thank you. He wanted me to open a Wells Fargo account. I do not know why he wanted me too. I don’t have a wallet, lol. He asked me how much h my bills are.

        • MSG Robert McLaughlin says:

          The more they know about you the more they can figure out about you. I like to tll the scammers I will send them $10,000 but I need $40 for FedEx postage. Some of then will send you the money! (but never use YOUR address)

  12. MSG Robert Mclaughlin says:

    Hey it’s me, MSG Robert McLaughlin again. How are you all. I had about forgotten about this page completely! Indeed I wrote it years ago. Let me answer some questions if I may.

    Rita asks: what r the answers to: Can you show me your CAC card? Tell me your unit? Show me the orders deploying you? Tell me your MOS? DOR? BEPD? GT score?

    Well your CAC card is your ID card. Easy enough. The unit is where you are assigned. It may be HQ 1/4Bn or some other weird set of numbers. You can usually google it for more information. And most of the time it is written funny like that. Your orders are usually a one sheet piece of paper telling me where to go next, and it has budget info on it. MOS is your job. Mine are 31E, 42A and 38B. Google them! “Special Forces” is not an MOS but 18D is. DOR is Date of Rank. When were you last promoted? We all remember that. Mine was 1/1/2002. BEPD is a typo it should be PEBD. That’s the day you joined the Army for pay purposes. Who forgets their first day on the job? And lastly, GT score is how smart you are on a specific military test. We get asked that number all the time so we cannot forget it.

    Christine is speaking to a General. FAKE! Move on!

    Michelle, we do not use couriers or diplomatic stuff or the like. That’s a scam to make you feel you are into something deep, like in True Lies. Hey, I worked in an Embassy, has a Diplomatic Passport and Courier papers, but I still used US Mail to move my own goods. They get angry to make you feel bad for questioning them.

    Brenda is talking to a Colonel. That’s one step below General. FAKE.

    Valerie, no one uses Lt-Gen. as a rank. In the Army it is LTG. All caps. I’m a MSG. But for that rank, it’s fake.

    I hope everyone finds REAL PEOPLE out there!

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  14. what r the answers to: Can you show me your CAC card? Tell me your unit? Show me the orders deploying you? Tell me your MOS? DOR? BEPD? GT score?

  15. i recently have been speaking to a manclaiming to be gen david rodriguez , he has been claiming his undying love for me and that he has 4 children and is based in kabul.i approached the fact i didnt believe he was the general ,and he got annoyed stating that,there are many people porteying to be him,he asked me to let him see me on cam,so i asked him he said he ill letme see him tommorow,but only for a few minutes as if he got caught he would be highlt reprimanded,plus he didnt want al queada, to find him on cam,he hasnt asked for money yet ,,his most common words are baby,or my dear ,,,,,and always needs me to speek to when he has free time from duties,,,please convince me this is a con,because he has me smitten

  16. Thanks for all the information I have recently started chatting with someone that says they’re in the Army and now I’m going to try and find out the rest of the information before goes too far. He has asked me to send him a package using a diplomat that I would send the package to FedEx location in Ghana and the diplomat would then deliver the package to him. It seemed very suspicious to me. I did express my concerns to him and he got upset about me not trusting him. He has not asked me for money or anything just regular stuff to be sent to him so I’m not worried about that and I’m still not sure I’m even going to send that. Once again thank you for posting all this information I will trying to get some more information from him and post to see if we can find if he is really in the military I hope he is.

  17. I want to know if there is a Colonel Donald Scott stationed in Kabul I have a picture of him in army uniform beside a flag .I have never been on a dating site so do not know how he found me ,I am willing to talk to him if he is the real thing but I dont believe he is when I asked what unit he was in he said he moved a lot between Aviation,Engineering,Artillery and Logistical units ,Then when I asked what camp he was in he said LEE DURHAM,USA)-CAMP AND i know that is a person,s name and not a camp, Please let me know what you find —-Merry Christmas to you

  18. Thank you for your honest and straight forward information. I am now just learning the pros and cons of internet communicating with a Military scammer. He portrayed to be Lt-Gen. David Rodriguez, whom I now know to be a very high and prominent soldier and much too busy to communicate on an internet relationship. I am embarrassed, but now educated.
    The silly thing about it is that I still don’t know how this person found and made contact with me when I was Skyping someone else. I have never gone on a dating site, and was not looking for this to happen. But he requested communicating with me, and I thought, well, he is a lonely soldier far from home and maybe I can make him smile.
    anyway, long story short, I have been looking up about these scams, and your site here has helped me to understand, and now know too that thousands of women world wide have been where I was last week and for the past 2 months…..until he asked me for money.
    Merry Christmas and Happy New year to you.

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