Expert Advice

Dating experts such as Match.com’s Coco as well as Christian Carter and David DeAngelo help us make sense of what the opposite sex is actually looking for…

---

Latest Entries in the Expert Advice Category

---

Dating Advice: First Impressions That Make Men Want More

If you’ve ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can’t help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading…

I’m about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won’t tell you, or can’t explain.

You’re also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.

Here we go…

Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?

And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?

It’s frustrating and annoying, right?

Does it have to be so much work?

Can’t we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?

Well, the truth is, it doesn’t have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game… if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.

I’ll repeat that.

It doesn’t have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.

Notice that I didn’t say how attraction works for YOU.

Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?

Well, then let me ask you…

Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?

I’ll give you a minute to think about the question…

Got it yet?

Give up?

The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn’t seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.

And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren’t working.

So what’s the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?

I’ll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I’d like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.

Then we’ll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to’s” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.

Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?

And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can’t see for themselves, let alone do anything about?

Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you’ve also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.

And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.

Ouch! Don’t go to that negative place.

The truth is that you’re not alone, and the good news is that it doesn’t take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.

And it doesn’t take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.

Let’s talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what’s going on underneath the surface here… because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.

Why?

The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.

Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.

So what impression are you making?

Do you know?

And what impression is the best one to make?

Let’s start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.

When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:

• “I think you’re interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you…” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)

• “I had a great time talking and I’d like to do it again sometime…” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn’t “feel it” yet, even though there’s a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)

• “I’m physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven’t really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me…” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)

• “I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”… so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you’re really all about…” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)

Any of these look familiar in hindsight?

Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it’s important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he’s already at from the start.

(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)

So… it sounds pretty important actually.

Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don’t have a clue:

1. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask Questions

So many times I hear women talk about how they don’t ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.

And often times, women will say something like, “I don’t want to scare him off…”

Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:

A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.

The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.

In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you’re dealing with – plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man’s real character and mindset by his response.

But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.

I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there…

“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE… way.”

It makes all the difference.

So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don’t realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)

B. Context is EVERYTHING

Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you’re in?

It’s fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.

But sometimes you don’t get the whole story, right?

Exactly. So it’s important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.

Like whether he’s genuinely interested in you, or if he’s just a player looking for a quick connection… and then he’s “out.”

One great question I’ve heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”

This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.

But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key… If you say that, and it’s all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar…, then I promise it’s not going to go over well.

(But you already knew that… wink wink)

On the flipside, if what you’re indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly – CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.

2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM

There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.

When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted… and often don’t even know why.

In fact, many times they can’t help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn’t consciously want more coming into the relationship.

Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men…

One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.

I don’t mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.

No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men…

The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.

A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”

Here’s the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn’t create attraction – “I’m an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”

Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah…”

But wait… these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?

Yes, but guess what?

Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other – if you want to be great friends.

And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you’ve got to realize that it doesn’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Just like it’s not a man’s career that makes him attractive… it’s his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.

Following me here?

Good.

So instead, find a way to keep him guessing… Tell him some made up career that’s ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you’re having fun with him.

(And in case you don’t realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)

For example, if you’re at a bar, tell him “I’m a social scientist doing research here to uncover how ‘beer-goggles’ really work on men.”

And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”

Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you’re doing and jump into the fun with you… and he’ll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.

And now you’ve got a fun, engaging connection… instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.

There’s plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn’t FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.

Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.

HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN

So I’ve given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to’s” to think about for first impressions and early on.

But we’ve just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.

This is by no means all “the goods.”

Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won’t go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?

Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.

So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?

In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.

It’s what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it’s that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.

The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.

You’ll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what’s really going on with men.

I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they’re in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.

I’ve also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.

The last thing to remember is that you shouldn’t do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.

If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he’ll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.

So don’t stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven’t completely served you well with men.

Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won’t just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he’ll be leading you both forward.

If you’re not completely sure if the book is really going to change your love life for the better, then I’ve got good news for you…

I’ll let you try my ebook out for free.

I’m so confident that it can help you, just as it’s helped the thousands of other women who email me all the time, that I’m going to let you try it out free for a week.

If you don’t like it, just let me know and you won’t pay a thing – no questions asked. And you can even keep the ebook.

If you like it, keep it, read it, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be.

So what are you waiting for?

Go get it right now:

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

---

Dating Advice: Why Successful Women Fail With Men

Have you ever thought that some men just don’t like strong smart women like you?

What’s up with that!?

Are men that weak and immature?

Well, let me ask you an important question about the men and love in your life.

By the way, how you answer this question could tell the difference between finding a fun, loving and almost effortless relationship that works out in the long term.

Or…

Being single and lonely because every man you get close to ends up resisting and withdrawing from the love and connection you know could be there.

So here’s the important question I have for you:

Does not having the love and relationship you truly want in your life change how you act as a woman?

Think about it for a second.

I’m asking, because I recently got an amazing email.

In the email, a woman shares her realization about herself and men that has changed her attitude and perspective about love for the better.

Check out her FASCINATING email….

>>>> Email From A Reader

Christian,

I found your book to be incredibly interesting and quite insightful. Lots of moments of clarity on a subject that is, at least for me, fairly foggy. While I’m not exactly new to the dating game, each experience I have had with dating, boyfriends and even a fiancée has turned up new and exciting horror stories. And then all of a sudden, I think I see the light. In reading your notes about women who subconsciously send signals of essentially being too interested and men’s responses to them, I totally saw myself.

While I am more than a little reserved about an outright appearance of “needy” (I’m a very attractive, well educated, highly successful woman and I don’t NEED anyone…right??) I suddenly realize, after reading your book, that my inner emotional state is actually very high-pressure, even if I try (probably unsuccessfully) to hide it. It’s my inner control freak taking over. I find myself dressing a little nicer when I think I might run into the boy-du-jour. Positioning myself in places where I might “run into” him (I swear I’m not a stalker, but I think most women actually engage in this kind of ridiculousness). Fantasizing about my life with him in it. And all of a sudden, there I am, trying to take control and ensure the proper development of this “relationship”. (of course- I’m always in control, right? That’s how i’ve gotten so far in my career and other areas of life…) And then, inexplicably, the more I try to control the situation by impatiently interfering with the natural flow of things, the more I lose my patience and emotional cool. My long-winded point is, that prior to reading your book, I had not been able to step back from my own issues enough to realize that my “control” was actually making me lose control.

Amazingly, this explains not only my own relationship breakdowns, but those of most of my gorgeous, successful girlfriends who also seem to have no luck with men. We have successfully built careers (and great figures) with hard work, persistence, and ultimately achieving control of our situations. It’s a pattern that has worked in careers where competition and winning is key. However, sometimes I think we view romantic interactions with men, not as an interpersonal communication in which we must evaluate the other person’s point of view, but as just another part of the life scheme that has been set forth for every good superwoman- the significant other that we are expected and expect to have. The problem is that. you never “have” another person. Nor should you. Your book made me step back and reevaluate how I have been going about dating- as though it was a means to an end. And I firmly believe that this was the point of breakdown for me (and probably for lots of other women). Dating must be viewed as a means to a relationship with another person, not as a means to HAVE that other person. Thus, that person’s needs must be objectively evaluated as very much separate from my own. If men can be happy and even have a need to pursue and compete, then why be readily available? It just doesn’t make sense when you put it that way. And you did.

As a result of your book, I truly believe I will be able to reevaluate the way I look at the men I date- as PEOPLE. With individual interests, needs, wants, beliefs and expectations. Not as extensions of myself (like MY career and MY home) that I build based on my expectations, interests, etc. Thank you so much for sharing your gift of a fresh perspective, no doubt based upon plenty of extensive research. I really think this will change dating for me.

Sincerely, A.W. in Missouri

>>>> My Response

Wow.

I love hearing from smart, analytical and thoughtful women like you.

Thanks for being so open and sharing your personal experiences… and for the feedback about my book.

There’s something that’s really FASCINATING about what you’ve brought up.

Over the last several 20 or 30 years, as women have started to enjoy a more “equal” place in society with careers, opportunity, etc., something strange has happened.

Have you noticed that women are often no longer considered “womanly” or “feminine” once they’ve become independent and successful in their own right?

I have.

And not coincidentally, everywhere I go I hear women talk about how much it sucks that men are intimidated by successful women and don’t want to be with women who are on an “equal” or higher standing.

Well, with so many women talking about this phenomenon, I’ve thought a lot about how and why this is happening to women.

And why men are responding the way they are.

How can being smarter, more independent, talented, etc. than other women and other men actually become something negative?

After lots of research, observation, and personal experience, here’s what I realized about the “plight” of the successful and independent woman…

I’m about to tell you the reasons why successful women often have a HARDER TIME than other women finding love.

REASON #1: INDEPENDENT AND SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS

Have you ever noticed that other smart and successful women around you are often the ones alone or in the least fulfilling relationships?

And have you ever noticed that no matter how intellectually educated a woman is, it doesn’t make her immune to the problems of love that a broke or uneducated woman might face?

How can that be?

Does that mean an education and success is worthless?

No. But it does mean that one doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with the other.

Lots of women assume that since they’re intelligent they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb little dating or relationship dilemma.

They think that all it takes is enough focus and determination and they’ll work everything out.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

You can’t “think” a man into feeling something for you.

Just like you can’t get a man to treat you differently just because you logically figured out what’s wrong with him and let him know.

In fact, doing the latter is more likely to have you standing alone in the cold than being held tightly in his arms.

Being “right” doesn’t mean you’ll be loved.

REASON #2: BELIEVING IN THE “MEN DON’T LIKE SUCCESSFUL WOMEN” MYTH

I can’t tell you how many women I talk to that tell me how men are scared and turned off by, or intimidated by, successful or independent women.

I get where they’re coming from, but they’ve confused one thing for another.

The truth is, men DON’T DISLIKE successful women. But they DON’T LIKE them either.

Let me explain…

It’s obvious in this day in age that being successful and independent aren’t “male” qualities that exclude women from being attractive if they have them.

But here’s the thing…

Most men DON’T CARE how successful a woman is.

I literally mean it. They don’t care.

Here’s why:

No matter what a woman does for a living, and no matter how much money she makes, none of that is going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman.

Following me here?

Are you attracted to a man JUST because he’s rich or successful or can buy whatever he wants?

Obviously not. A man’s success can add to his appeal, but it doesn’t create it.

Men aren’t any different in how they feel about women.

But lots of women who are successful, secretly believe that their success should change how men act around them.

And some women, just like men often do, start to rely on their success to try and attract men.

The truth is, success isn’t going to turn a man on or create a great situation.

If a woman doesn’t UNDERSTAND how to attract a man and create a great relationship, becoming successful isn’t going to change that.

But being a woman who LEARNS to ATTRACT men and create the right situation for love AND also happens to be successful will.

REASON #3: SUCCESS ITSELF WON’T GET YOU THERE

Being successful can be a nice quality or a “bonus” about a woman, but inside a man’s mind, success has nothing to do with whether or not he feels ATTRACTION or LOVE.

But lots of successful women seem to be disappointed by this.

Understandably, they’re frustrated that the respect and status that they’ve earned at the office or in life hasn’t translated over to their love-life.

Even though in the back of their minds they keep thinking that becoming successful has worked for men all these years.

WRONG.

This isn’t how it works for men either, so let me use that as an example.

Just because a man is successful or rich, a genuine and open woman doesn’t care anything about that.

She only cares about how he makes her FEEL.

Most women just want to know that a man makes her FEEL ATTRACTED to him, and that he’s open and loving and he’ll always be the strong and solid person that he is today.

So even if a man is rich and handsome, if he doesn’t LEARN to become a good partner who makes a woman EXPERIENCE LOVE and FEEL ATTRACTION, then the woman isn’t going to respond.

Like it or not, it works the same way for successful women.

Success won’t buy you love, affection or get you shortcuts to a great situation with a man.

It just might help get you in the door.

REASON #4: ASSUMING THAT SUCCESS “STRATEGIES” CROSS OVER TO MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS

Successful women have obviously found and used smart “strategies” to get where they are with the people around them.

They try and test all kinds of new ideas, approaches, attitudes, etc. until they find what works and then they stick with what’s best.

And things go great. It’s like they’ve got the world and everyone around them all figured out.

That is, until they run into a “guy-problem” and somehow everything seems to instantly go whacko and stop working.

So they just take their best strategy and try harder and harder at it, sure that it will work since they’ve seen the world open up to them with it.

But there’s no results this time and it’s a total shock to the system.

Men are the WORST at doing this by the way.

Tons of husbands come home each night and try to run their family and marriage with the logic and efficiency that they use to make things work in business.

How do you think that works out?

REASON #5: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN OFTEN “ACCIDENTALLY” PREVENT MEN FROM NATURALLY FEELING ATTRACTION WITH THEM

Have you ever thought about how a man falls in love with a woman?

One of the most important and central elements of love that takes a man from just “interested” to “in love” with a woman is experiencing a LOSS of CONTROL and the absence of PREDICTABILITY with the woman.

And no, this doesn’t mean that he gives control over to the woman and she has it.

I’ll explain…

When a man is experiencing ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY with a woman and he DOESN’T know exactly what’s going to happen next, then everything becomes terribly exciting.

And if the woman isn’t acting controlling or manipulative, then there’s a “space” or “void” that’s created between the man and woman.

It’s this natural “psychological space” that moves the man closer and closer to the woman as he’s trying close the “emotional gap” between them.

Then the man begins to wonder what he can do to win over more of the woman’s affections and attention.

And it’s this out of control feeling and the desire to fill in the gap between himself and the woman that starts the classic patterns of love.

Unfortunately, lots of successful women get in THEIR OWN WAY and prevent the natural patterns that lead to love from taking place.

The most common way that successful women get in their own way is when they starting doing things to control each and every aspect of what’s going on between her and the man.

*Cue the semi-obsessive behaviors like those that the reader mentioned in her email.

Like plotting to be where a man will be and then pretending to have “run into him”.

I think a lot of us can identify with that kind of behavior in one way or another.

The problem with these kinds of behaviors is that they do something damaging to us when we use them.

These are self-manipulations that stir up all kinds of anxiety and distance in your own mind.

AVOID THESE kinds of things, because they only lead to more obsessive worrying and more plotting.

It’s part of what’s called a negative feedback loop.

What’s most important here is that these behaviors do an almost perfect job of destroying the “tension” a man and a woman both feel when there’s a “natural” flow of energy between them.

REASON #6: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE USED TO BEING IN CONTROL

Most mature women want to have a great relationship and continually experience deep love and intimacy once they’ve found a worthwhile and attractive guy.

But often times their desire to have their ideal situation is so strong that it can actually drive them to try and CONTROL the situations they’re in and the man they’re with.

Successful women have an uncanny ability to pull together every aspect of their life and make it work.

But what happens when successful women who have been gracefully in control of their lives get into a situation where they can’t CONTROL the outcome and the other people involved?

What happens when there is NO LOGICAL SOLUTION or straight-forward answer that will make things work out the way they’re used to?

What happens when they get involved with a man and things are no longer within their ability to control?

In these situations, successful women often end up feeling completely OUT OF CONTROL and begin to panic.

And then FEAR kicks in because they’re not used to not having total control of their environment.

So they start doing whatever they can think of or what works for them in other situations in order to try and get CONTROL back in their lives.

Of course, what they often do to try and regain control is negative, fear-driven, and doesn’t take into account the feelings and desires of the man… and so it backfires.

The man freaks out, he sees her as “crazy” and then he withdraws.

You might unfortunately already know that story.

What’s fascinating here is that the woman’s attempts to CONTROL are often more DESTRUCTIVE than they are productive.

Trying to CONTROL how a man feels, what he thinks and how he acts around them, not only doesn’t usually work for women – it often works AGAINST them and repels the man.

REASON #7: THEY FALL INTO THE TRAP OF USING “MASCULINE ENERGY” TO SHAPE THEIR LOVE-LIFE

The energy, drive, focus and discipline that can push women to success in their work can be a potent force to create the outcomes they want.

Unfortunately, this same attitude and approach DOESN’T translate over to getting outcomes women might want with men, love and relationships.

In fact, this attitude often becomes an obstacle to creating an intimate and loving situation with a man.

Successful women often make the mistake of approaching men and relationships with the same kind of intensity and energy that they seek to influence or control things at work.

They start to lead their interactions, conversations and decisions with men with what I call “masculine energy”.

This energy is very direct and purposeful and it has an amazing ability to motivate and push us to overcome and break through barriers.

But it isn’t the energy that creates an intense and LASTING CONNECTION with a man.

The “feminine energy” is the energy that attracts a man and can lead and TEACH him how and why to stay open to a woman.

This feminine energy is what shows even the most clueless and reckless of men how to become great and loyal partners – just like it’s the masculine energy that ATTRACTS women and shows them a man’s strength, love and character.

Now, I’m not saying that women don’t and shouldn’t have masculine energy. Lots of attractive and interesting women are full of masculine energy.

But I’ve learned that women can be VERY SUCCESSFUL and have AMAZING LOVE LIVES by knowing when to use masculine and feminine energy.

The key is awareness.

So let me ask you….

When a woman uses or leads her interactions with a man with their more “masculine” energy, what happens?

Most men aren’t able to open up or attach and connect with a woman who’s meeting them with their “masculine energy”.

It doesn’t make a man FEEL close, comfortable, trusting and it doesn’t draw him in to connect with her.

In fact, lots of men react NEGATIVELY to women who present them with a lot of masculine energy.

When some women talk about men not liking successful women, this is what they’re talking about.

Men don’t like the masculine energy that a woman is putting in place of something WAY MORE IMPORTANT to a man:

How ATTRACTED he is to her and how she makes him FEEL.

So let’s wrap this up for now…

One of the most critical things that I see successful women “missing” in their interactions with men, dating and relationships, is the idea of creating “Intellectual Attraction” – and using their natural “feminine energy” to do so.

A man might enjoy the idea of a woman being successful, but it isn’t going to make him think about her like he might a woman who pushes all his male buttons.

A man doesn’t think, “Gee, she’s got a great job, makes good money and doesn’t depend on anyone else to support her, I think I’ll be into her.”

Actually, it’s the exact opposite.

A man sees or meets a woman and Wham!

He instantly falls for her, and he can’t exactly explain why.

And that’s because there is no reason or logic to why it happens – it happens inside a man’s mind.

When a man becomes attracted and interested in a woman, it’s because his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS were TRIGGERED by something about the woman.

And no amount of logic, analyzing, convincing or “success” in a woman’s life can control this.

If a man doesn’t FEEL IT for a woman, nothing else will do the trick.

But if a woman CAN make a man feel attraction for her, then it doesn’t matter how successful, gorgeous or shapely she is.

After years or research and observations, I’ve finally “cracked the code” on what actually works to trigger ATTRACTION in men.

And you’d be surprised to learn that ANY WOMAN can learn what these triggers are and how to start learning to use them in her own life and relationships.

Of course, I’m not just talking about that “one-night stand” male kind of attraction.

That’s easy. Seduce a man.

I’m talking about the “long-term-he-stays-up- all-night-thinks-about-her-all-the-time-and-does- crazy-romantic-boyish-things-just-because-he-has- to” attraction.

That deeper and more intimate “relationship material” attraction.

I call this “Intellectual Attraction”.

In my ebook I talk about how any woman, including an analytical, successful and driven woman, can learn how to avoid all the common obstacles to love that they put up in their lives that men respond negatively to.

I discuss specific steps and theories about how to find and identify that great guy, build intense passion and attraction and turn all that into a great long term situation with a man.

So what do you have to lose?

I’ll even let you try my ebook free just to see if you like it.

If you don’t, all you have to do is email and I’ll give you a full 100% refund… AND you can still keep the book.

That means all YOU have to do is be willing to open your mind to the idea that your love life can be better than it is right now.

And believe that you can have the chemistry, lasting attraction and love that you deserve.

So go check out my ebook for free and be on your way to the next great phase of your love-life.

Go here now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

---

The Secret Cause Of “Distance” In Relationships

Hey there,

I’m about to share a secret with you about men that most women will go their entire love lives never seeing or understanding.

Here’s why it’s critical that you find out about this secret RIGHT NOW…

This one simple but powerful insight could mean the difference between you becoming truly close, connected and committed with a man, in the kind of way where you TRULY know him.

Or…

Experiencing the disconnection and withdrawal that often comes from a man’s fear of “losing his freedom” or being overwhelmed by intimacy in a relationship with a woman, who DOESN’T know about this secret.

The truth is, it doesn’t have to be so difficult when it comes to a lasting relationship with a man.

Keep reading to learn a powerful insight most women will never come across to turn the common “resistance” in relationships with men from an obstacle to a point of growth and connection.

Oh, and here’s something else you’re going to get from this insight that will DRAMATICALLY change things in your love life for the better…

What you’re about to learn will not only help you understand what’s REALLY going on in a man’s mind… since, as you know, men can often not share much or make it feel very easy to share…

But… it can also have the rare and desirable quality of actually helping a man to understand YOU more.

Wouldn’t that be a breath of fresh air?

If you haven’t read between the lines yet, I’m talking about a RELATIONSHIP SKILL that’s CRITICAL for you to learn if you want a lasting relationship with a man.

Stop repeating the same old patterns, that you know from experience, have only lead to heartbreak, disappointment or wasted energy.

It’s time for change.

It’s time to do things differently.

It’s time to have what you want in love.

It’s time to find and use WHAT ACTUALLY WORKS in relationships with men.

There’s something FASCINATING that I’ve realized is a common source of pain and frustration for lots of women in relationships with men… and I want to share it with you.

Something that can create a subtle but powerful and lasting DISTANCE between a woman and a man.

Something that even happens for women who would consider themselves “good communicators.”

Something that brings about the very situations that most women are looking to avoid in a relationship – such as disconnection, withdrawal and a lack of intimacy.

What I’m talking about here are our BELIEFS.

But how are BELIEFS important when it comes to dating and relationships with men?

Well, beliefs have a VERY POWERFUL EFFECT on everything we think and do.

You’re not always conscious of it, but your beliefs color your entire perception of what’s happening around you.

You just don’t see it happening because your mind does it so quick and perfectly.

Everything you see and experience is run through your own set of beliefs, and these help shape a set of meanings, feelings and emotions.

So, in a sense, what you think and feel is largely driven by your beliefs.

Here’s where all this gets FASCINATING…

What if you have an overly “negative” belief?

And what if you have a belief based on fear or loss?

And what if you have a belief that’s just plain WRONG?

The PAINFUL TRUTH is that, if you’re like lots of women who’ve been hurt in relationships, then you probably have your own set of beliefs about men, relationships and about yourself in relationships.

And, like it or not, some of these beliefs are most likely shaping negative, limiting or even SELF-DESTRUCTIVE experiences in your life.

Of course, men have these kind of beliefs too, and these beliefs subtly drive parts of their thinking and behavior.

Here’s a great example…

Tell me… would a healthy, loving, committed relationship with a woman really take away a man’s “freedom”?

Of course not.

Believe it or not, men are smart enough to know this when they have a great woman in their life.

But then, why do so many men still believe this to be true anyway, and act it out in their relationships through non-committal or withdrawing behavior?

Here’s the strange part about WHY…

It’s not a man’s “logical” or “rational” mind that’s completely in control here.

It’s the man’s SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEF that a woman and a relationship will take away his freedom.

Note that I said “SUBCONSCIOUS” BELIEF here…

Which means that even if you “called a man out” about this belief in his mind, it doesn’t mean that he’d be able to see what you’re talking about, let alone understand it for himself.

Follow me here?

In fact, a man would probably say you were making up “psycho-babble” and not hear you at all.

But here’s the point…

Men and women both have important and powerful beliefs about the other sex and relationships, rooted deep in their minds.

So…

Do you know YOUR beliefs?

And do you know how to find out what a man’s beliefs are?

Knowing this you won’t fall into common deadly relationship traps other women come up against again and again with men and can NEVER get the clarity that they’re after.

After years of research, study and observation, I’ve found several of the common false or “limiting beliefs” that keep women from loving and having lasting relationships with men.

Of course, I’ve also found common “limiting beliefs” that men have – ones that seem to, in situation after situation, make it difficult for them to be in committed relationships.

But let’s start by talking about the most important person here…

YOU.

Let me ask you an important question…

Have you ever wondered if there’s something you’re just plain missing about men in general?

That when it comes to how men think, feel and behave in relationships, they’re really all messed up and strange?

Here’s something I’ve learned from women about what’s really puzzling about a man…

How can a man be so open, generous, loving and caring early on and at various times in a relationship, but then act like you aren’t the same two people who share so much when things go wrong?

I’ve seen this myself, and I’ve heard it from TONS of women who’ve I’ve met, spoken to, worked with and received emails from online.

In fact, to be honest, I’ve even been that guy myself in the past.

The reality is that a man can go from caring, protective, complimentary, and emotionally engaged with a woman, and then suddenly become distant, cold or uninterested.

All as though he was never even emotionally involved in the first place.

Know what I’m talking about here?

Give me a silent nod if you’ve experienced this kind of thing with a man before.

Sucks, right?

When it happened, you probably felt, on some level, like you’d NEVER understand what in the world is going on with men.

And…

You probably felt like you’d NEVER MEET A MAN who was different and who would UNDERSTAND YOU.

Let alone get how love and relationships work in YOUR WORLD.

Sound or feel familiar?

Ok, now guess what these thoughts and feelings are?

That’s right.. these are the BELIEFS that you’ve picked up from your past experiences with men.

And guess what else?

They’re not very helpful to you.

In fact, they’re actually COUNTERPRODUCTIVE when you’re wanting to have an open, connected, loving relationship with a man.

They also create distance between you and a man – distance that most women never know they’re creating themselves.

But don’t worry… you’re not strange, messed up or weird.

We’ve all been there.

You most likely took on these self-defeating beliefs to try and deal with the pain you felt, and to help make sense of it all.

There’s a direct link between pain and awareness.

And when you experience pain, it’s a natural reaction of the mind and body to lessen your awareness, in an effort to help numb the pain.

But here’s what you need to know RIGHT NOW…

If you don’t start to look for and become aware of your own Limiting Beliefs, then they’ll just keep holding you back from ever finding what you want. The strange thing is, for some reason, lots of people like to hold on to their false and Limiting Beliefs – regardless of how damaging they are.

I like to think of these kind of beliefs as a “SECRET EXCUSE”.

We each have one, or more, Secret Excuses that we make up to comfort and protect ourselves from the things that hurt or disappoint us about our lives or ourselves.

But here’s the reality…

Your Secret Excuse is getting in your way.

Your Secret Excuse is keeping you at a distance from men, or that one special man, in your life.

Your Secret Excuse is actually taking the new things that are coming into your life and painting them over with a dark negative “tint”.

Let me give you a few of my favorite “Secret Excuses” that I hear from women all the time when it comes to men…

“Men can’t have real relationships.”

“There are no good guys out there.”

“All men cheat.”

Or, how about some of the hopeless ones…

“Even if I find a great guy, he won’t end up truly loving me… and it won’t last.”

“I never get back what I put in when it comes to relationships. I give up.”

Or, there are the martyr beliefs…

“I’m just not meant to have true love in my life – and all these past heartbreaks and failed situations are PROOF.”

“There’s something wrong with me as a woman, and I won’t be able to fix it, so I’ll give up on finding real love in my life.”

And then there’s the single most popular and common limiting and self-defeating belief out there…

It’s so subtle and pervasive that some women pass it around to each other daily, without even noticing how negatively it effects them -

“Men are jerks.”

If you don’t understand how destructive this can be, imagine this…

What do you think would be going on for a man if he had repeatedly said that he thought women were all “hysterical?”

Or how about, “Women are all bitchy?”

Not a very healthy outlook on women and relationships here, right?

Not the kind of guy you want to make a “go of it” with… right?

Lots of “baggage” to overcome.

Or maybe worse…

Lots of deeply rooted personal BELIEFS to break down before a man would ever actually SEE YOU for who YOU are and be “present” with you.

Translation – lots of emotional distance and a severe lack of understanding and intimacy.

So, now that you’ve got this new “education” about BELIEFS, how they work, and their power, what can you do to improve your situation RIGHT NOW?

What can actually create positive change and growth in the real-world you live in?

In other words…

Ideas are good.

But RESULTS are better.

The very first step is to take the time to pay attention to your own “voice.”

You know… that one that’s in your head that goes off and screams loudly inside when bad things happen with a man.

And yeah, I bet this voice isn’t the thing you want to try and get close to in your life right now.

But the sooner you figure out why it’s there and what’s behind it, the sooner you can make a positive change for the better.

Here’s something simple but profound.

(My favorite kind of concept!)

The more aware you become about something, the more power you have to change it.

But you can’t work with something that you haven’t put your finger on and identified for yourself.

So start by working to pay more attention to the things you DON’T LIKE, or that BOTHER YOU about men or relationships.

Maybe it’s that thing that has somehow happened to you again and again with men, even though you promised yourself you’d never let that kind of thing into your life again.

Yeah, I know… Yikes!

I’m asking you to look at that “crap?“

You’re probably thinking that you finally got away from it.

Well, I’m not asking you to go there because I’m sick and twisted. (not much anyway…lol)

I don’t want things to be tougher than they have to be for you to find and create the love and fulfillment you deserve.

No… it’s because I want you to be able to move past the things that are holding you back by pushing them out from the place where they subtly undermine you.

I call this “lighting the dark spots”.

These “dark spots” are where we don’t often like to look and are the places that we hide things from ourselves that we don’t like when we see them.

But these places, as scary as they might seem, are the source of our Limiting Beliefs.

So, when we can bring these things into our consciousness and awareness, we gain positive power over them.

Of course, it also really helps to have experience and guidance when you start off in new areas.

Finding the right information can save you literally years or decades of time and wasted energy.

And that’s where you’re really in luck…

I’ve literally spent years helping women avoid the pain and frustration of destructive and limiting beliefs.

In fact, I’ve been able to save thousands of women from the wasted time and energy of trying HARDER and HARDER in their relationships and getting LESS and LESS back.

Partly by just clearing up some of the critical misunderstandings and frustrations that come from limiting beliefs.

But also, by explaining the importance of knowing EXACTLY what to do in each of the critical situations that come up with men while dating and in relationships.

There are crucial “resistance points” with men and dating… and if a woman doesn’t know about these, it’s HIGHLY likely that she’ll trip over them and end up with the common and dreaded emotionally distant and non-committal man.

Don’t end up there, with no idea of how to change things – without the drama and resistance – on how “talks” can go for lots of women with men.

Here’s the good news…

A few years ago, I finally decided to take all my very best ideas, concepts and strategies that I’d used to help women in the REAL WORLD, and put it all together in one single COMPLETE REFERENCE GUIDE.

What came together was an in-depth guide to what’s really going on inside the mind of a man.

A guide that any woman could quickly and easily use to transform her love life – as a single woman OR inside her existing relationship.

My ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him” is quite possibly the world’s best single “guide book” for women when it comes to the male mind, dating, attraction and LASTING RELATIONSHIPS.

But don’t take my word for it…

I’ve included a few recent emails I got in my inbox from women who have read my book.

See what they have to say for yourself.

You can find their emails a little further below.

Or, if you want, you can download my ebook right now and be reading it in literally a minute or two.

I’m SO ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that you’re going to get TONS and TONS of real and lasting change, growth, and benefits in your love life from my book that I’m going to make you a special promise.

I’ll let you try my ebook FREE to see if you like it.

That’s right…

I’m 110% sure it will bring amazing change into your life with men, dating and relationships.

Although, I won’t lie – it’s not going to download itself and jump into your brain all on it’s own…

You actually do have to read it and work with the material – and I can’t do that for you.

But what better “investment” could you make that promises to bring you more connection, love and fulfillment in your relationship?

What would that be worth?

Do yourself a “free favor” right now and download my ebook for a free trial.

There’s NOTHING to lose, and everything to gain.

If you don’t like the book for ANY reason, all you have to do is email me to let me know and you’ll pay nothing.

ZERO.

No questions asked. Period.

You don’t even have to try and come up with a good excuse.

Don’t waste any more time waiting for the love life you want to “find you” or for him to be the one to make it happen for you.

It’s time to take the love that you know is possible in your life… into your own hands…

Go here now:

Best of luck in life and love and I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

---

Christian,

I first want to start off by thanking you. I read your book front to cover in three days and it may just be the most powerful and inspirational tool i have ever encountered! You truly opened up my eyes to a completely new way of dealing with men and helped me see what it was that I was doing wrong.

I also read, “He’s Just Not That Into You” before i read “Catch Him and Keep Him.” I must say, although it was a good book, i strongly believe that yours was much more informative on an objective level. You explain it in a way that doesn’t criticize or put women down. Instead you literally show us how we can make some changes in the way we perceive situations with men. Your book was a much more constructive learning tool for me.

Thank you!

D.B.

————————————————–

Christian,

I hope this e-mail will get to you. I bought and paid for your book this week. I also read the entire book because it is a fast read.

I just wanted to tell you that you are utterly amazing – you have your head on straight, and I totally agree with your viewpoint on the male/female dynamics. I am recently divorced after being previously widowed, so I know what a good marriage and relationship consists of based on the first marriage. At this juncture, I needed some reassurance, and your book really reconfirmed the viewpoint that I already had– that being an independent, self-assured woman is a win for the woman, and a win for a relationship.

I’ve recently gone on 3 dates with someone I like. On the last date, I was kind of disappointed that he didn’t make sexual advances. Based on reading your book, I am honored. Thanks for that enlightenment.

Alice C.

————————————————-

Hi Christian!

I have to tell you, this book, along with several other key events, has changed my life!!! In the past week, I’ve been contacting old boyfriends and forgiving them, apologizing, sending love to them and really meaning it! I am able to stop being a victim of circumstance and start taking responsibility for creating everything I want and deserve. It’s all about loving and forgiving myself. I was seeking approval and a whole slew of other disgusting behaviors. I just didn’t get it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! I’m going to tell all of my single friends about this web site and book~!

Julie

————————————————-

Subject: Success story

Hi Christian!

This email is about a success story, but not mine – yours!

Your story (ebook) is a true success! I am glad I had the guts to write my Visa-card no and order your book, I hope U won’t sell it to criminals in the future…. I had some money left on the account today so I might just trust U after all.

I have just started to study at University (after working 17 years): Social psychology and communication, I have also gone to a course in Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg) and what can I say: YOUR BOOK HAS IT ALL! You have great skills in several areas and combine them in a very intelligent way. I read somewhere that you said that you’re not an author. You are! I can tell. It was the perfect language for this subject. You even put in data about scientific research in a very interesting and humorous way.

Actually, you have inspired me to become a “non- author” in topics about personal development and understanding people…my vision is to become a personal coach and I think this writing thing can be something for me too. I have never had that idea before but I will continue nurturing it!

Finally: THANK YOU for explaining why I have failed in earlier relationships! And also why I succeeded in some! It all seems clear now. I can’t wait to test my new skills and see where it takes me I have come so far that I know that the only person that can make me happy is me, myself and I, that is the first step right? That means I will no longer be needy and clingy, halleluja. I have a good life without a man.

I hope you have come so far that you are able to feel how grateful I truly am for the opportunity to read your “instruction book”, and that I really think that you have made a great job. Put this knowledge in your heart and keep it. I don’t want to waist your time in vain, see.

Best wishes,

Annki from Sweden

ps: Sorry for the “false” subject line….I couldn’t resist it

ps2: I don’t know how many grey hairs the studies have given you, but trust me, it was worth it You will save loads of women from unnecessary pain. Hopefully loads of men as well. That gives a lot of plus points in heaven!

————————————————–

Go here to get your free trial copy:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

---

Why Men Withdraw and What To Do About it

Tons of women do this one thing.

And it must leave them feeling awful…

I wonder if you do it too?

I’m talking about women who hide their true feelings from a man and fear sharing their desire for a closer relationship and for love.

Ever felt this way?

It’s happens when you won’t communicate directly with a man about your feelings because you think you’ll “scare him away”.

Unfortunately, you’re right… it could scare him away.

The way you talk to a man about a relationship turns out to be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE ANY WOMAN CAN MAKE WITH A MAN.

I’ll come back to this giant mistake in just a quick second…

First, I’d like to talk about what I’ve seen in the dating world as a guy and share a FASCINATING story with you.

I’ve had women communicate their feelings with me in all sorts of different ways from joy to anger to frustration, and I know what each one does to a man.

(and in a larger context, what communicating this way does to any person in general – man or woman)

There’s a pattern to the dating experiences that I’d like to share.

THE STORY GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS…

(let’s pretend I’m the man in this story and you’re the woman)

You and I meet. We both like each other. (lucky me!)

Feelings develop for us both on several levels. (physically, emotionally, socially)

You try to be “patient” and not express too many feelings and what you want to play it cool.

We have a great “connection”, but we never talk about what we want in our future around dating, a relationship or marriage.

Time goes by and things are great for us.

Eventually, you begin to see that you’re not getting what you want from me in the relationship.

You want more, but you’re scared of talking to me about it because you don’t know where I’m at.

You’re scared because I’ve talked to you about all the bad experiences I’ve had with women in the past.

And sometimes I even make negative remarks about women and their emotions.

You don’t want to ruin the good things we have going and rock the boat, but in the back of your mind you know that you’ll want to deal with the negative emotions that are slowly but surely building in your mind.

Then as I start to see us growing closer, I begin to use my past issues to tell you that I’m not looking for much more than what we have right now.

So you don’t say anything to me directly to communicate what’s going on for you and your feelings.

And of course, being a normal guy, I don’t say anything either. (Of course, I’m a man!)

You become frustrated and confused that I’m not acting how I used to act.

Things begin to change with the way I treat you.

• I don’t pay as much attention to you anymore.
• I don’t surprise you or bring you flowers anymore.
• I’m tired everyday after work and just want to watch tv when I get home.
• I call you less frequently.
• I don’t initiate sex as much anymore.
• You even consider that I could be seeing someone else.
• And after a few months – I’ve become distant.

So what happens next?

You decide you’re not happy with where things are and it’s time to have a talk about where we’re at.

But you’re SCARED of expressing your feelings about what you want, so you let things build up inside you until you begin to let your frustrations with me show.

And to wrap the story up…

You make THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE WITH A MAN…

You start a conversation about the relationship and then you “let me have it”!

(you get upset and lose your cool with me)

All your desires, fears, frustrations and dreams that you’ve been holding inside away from me all pour out in one big emotional explosion…

This “Big Mistake” can take the form of arguing and yelling, but not exclusively.

Sometimes it’s just extreme intensity, perhaps tears.

It might include:

• - Complaining about the current state of the relationship
• - Talking about the things he does wrong with you
• - Showing your frustrations about what you feel is missing
• - Becoming upset that he doesn’t feel how you’d like him to feel
• - Bringing up past issues, arguments or disappointments

But it always creates a lot of emotional tension and “drama”. Especially in the guys mind.

This is THE LAST THING you want to do with a man if you want to get some positive result with him.

That tension that’s created stays with him, and he NEVER forgets it.

In his mind, he now thinks of you as “hysterical” and full of issues. His mind defines you by what he saw in your behavior, and it scares him.

Yep, I know it’s not fair, but it’s the man’s weird and twisted reality…

I’ve heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of men talk about this exact perception of a woman and how they fear being with a woman who they think will make this giant mistake.

Yeah, I know… it’s inmature, selfish and not fair of the man, but it’s the reality of the situation that lots of women end up in with men.

So how do you avoid this….?

I’ll tell you how in THREE EASY STEPS.

Step 1) You Need To Understand What’s Going On Inside The Mind Of Your Man…

Let me tell it to you straight, as a man…

Women secretly believe that their connection with a man will “naturally” turn into something deeper without any communication taking place.

Kind of like it’s the unspoken truth about what’s going on.

Honestly… this isn’t how it works for us men.

If you’re “assuming” you have a relationship, and that he feels like you do, you’re wrong.

Men don’t assume that a connection, being together, spending quality time and all the rest means they’re in a committed relationship.

Some men do, but not most.

For a man to know he’s in a committed relationship, and understand the things YOU want in that relationship, YOU have to communicate with him in CLEAR AND DIRECT terms.

Yeah, that’s right… You have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable.

Scary!

But I hear lots of women think that other women are just lucky to have found such a great guy.

And while there are some men who are more equipped and ready for a healthy situation with a woman, it’s NOT luck that women in great relationships have found a way to communicate with their guy.

That’s right, they’ve taken time to find the right information and to learn to integrate a certain way of communicating into their thinking and behavior.

It’s not easy, but there’s help.

Step 2) You Need To Understand What Causes You To Make “The Big Mistake”

EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first. It’s basic human nature.

But being able to delay your gratification is an AMAZING thing to develop in your life. (in every part of your life!)

Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk, talk about what THEY think and what THEY want.

The root of this problem basically boils down to needs that are unmet.

So making “The Big Mistake” is really all about being driven by your unmet needs and desires and solely focusing on what YOU want the relationship to be, without honestly and critically considering the man’s perspective, his emotional state, his commuication skills and where he’s coming from at the same time.

When you do this with a man, you are subconsciously telling him that you’re more interested in your feelings and what YOU want than you are in his feelings and what he wants.

And men can read and pick up on women who do this instantly.

I see a form of this “Big Mistake” communication all the time in business by the way.

Some business professionals are the worst at this self-absorbed “need” oriented communication.

Like when someone calls me who wants to get something from me or sell me something and they’re not very experienced or polished at it.

The first thing I pick up on is their selfish agenda… and it instantly puts me on the defensive.

But if they’ve done their “homework” on me and what I’m looking for, and not what THEY WANT from me, when they talk it changes the whole situation the second they show me they’ve thought about what I want.

It’s very simple but extremely powerful.

So let’s take this concept directly back to communicating with men.

It might sound cliche’, but you’ve got to learn to listen and understand where’s he’s at and where’s he’s coming from.

This cliche’ is a around for a reason.

It works.

Patience, empathy and understanding are the first steps towards creating the relationship you dream about.

But you’ve got to be careful to not become the woman who gives him EVERYTHING and gets walked on.

Use your common sense and intuition to safeguard yourself – I know that your female perceptive abilities aren’t used nearly enough, so put these strong tools to good use.

Step 3) How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake

Let me give you a vital piece of information when dealing with men…

Men are CLUELESS when it comes to identifying the things that are “obvious” to women in dating and relationships.

I would know. It’s taken me ten years to begin to understand these things for myself – and I spend a LOT of time thinking about it.

Sorry though, I’m “spoken for”… (Oh Please, get over yourself Christian!!)

Ok, enough self-indulgent humor, back to you.

So we know men are AWFUL at initiating and participating in conversations about deep emotions and relationships.

Sorry to break the bad news, but it’s almost always up to you to make this communication happen.

It’s important to remember to approach the entire conversation from the perspective of talking about what you want AND what he wants.

If you can make a guy feel like you put his feelings and needs a priority in this conversation, and always consider what he wants, I promise he will LOVE YOU for it!

There’s no rule that says you can’t consider another persons opinions and feelings first in order to get what you want.

In fact, a key goal in negotiating is to let the other person talk first.

When you get to listen first, you ALWAYS have the advantage. You know exactly what the other person wants… and knowledge is influence and power.

I’m not saying you need to take on hard-core negotiating here with a man, but some of the same rules and principles about people and psychology apply.

When you talk to a man from a positive place of listening first, he will be 10,000 times more receptive to what you have to say and what you want once you bring it up than if you approach him from a place of feeling hurt, communicate need and projecting fear and anxiety.

Try this instead.

Ask a positive question or give a positive statement such as, “Honey, I was thinking today that I was happy to be with you.”

It might sound submissive, corny or difficult to say to someone you’re having a tough time with, but think about it…

If you’re going through all the trouble to worry so much about the future with this person, this is already what you’re thinking.

You might want to check out what could be the world’s best collection of ideas, strategies, insights and research on the subject of how to avoid the Big Mistakes, and other big mistakes in my ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

It’s full off specific ways to communicate with a man that will instantly amplify the attraction he feels for you and help move things quickly and smoothly from “casual” to “committed” in no time flat.

I’ve spent the better part of the last year making sure my ebook will give you REAL WORLD ANSWERS and solutions to the things you’re dealing with when it comes to men.

Go check it out right now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

---

Being ‘Too Nice’ To Women, Not Understanding Attraction, And Feeling That Frustration That Drives Us Guys Crazy…

This time I’m going to “mix it up” a little…

I get a lot of questions like the three that you’re about to read.

A LOT of them.

In fact, I get so many HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of them emailed to me that I’m beginning to realize that I need to write another newsletter about this particular topic… even though I’ve written about ten billion of them now.

Read these emails… and nod your head if you’ve found yourself in a similar situation:

***QUESTION #1***

Dave-

I’ve been receiving your newsletters and although I’m a little skeptical, I thought I’d ask you a question. I live in Las Vegas where I attend UNLV (I’m in a fraternity), play in a kick-ass rock band, AND work as a bouncer in a nightclub on the Strip. Now, given my situation, one would think that I’m just ROLLING in women, yet the only game I get is from older chicks and gay dudes. And when I do go out with hotties, I can’t get them to call me back; girls my age just aren’t attracted to me like they used to be. I’m smart, funny, I make decent cash, drive a nice car and all my “friend-girls” constantly tell me how hot I am. What the hell am I doing wrong?

Sincerely,
A.P.

***QUESTION #2***

I recently had surgery and during that time a female “surgical consultant” gave me guidelines of what the surgery would be like and how to prepare for it. In a nutshell, she was really hot. The problem is we have talked on the phone about the surgery and the results and finances with insurance. The problem is that it’s only been on a professional level. She is fairly friendly, she doesn’t avoid my calls, and she doesn’t try to get off the phone quickly.

So I had her business card and I recently wrote her an email , to her WORK email address, on Friday and said thanks for all the help and asked her out for coffee and she emailed me back right away and said that “I am too nice” and totally avoided answering the “coffee” date. So I emailed her back that same Friday and said that “you totally avoided the coffee question.” Today’s Monday and she since hasn’t replied to my email about going out for coffee. I feel like writing her back instead of waiting for her reply. Is this a sign that she is not interested in me? What do I do? How do I get her to at least go out for coffee with me. If she does go out for coffee with me, how do I keep her interested in me? You are my last resort for advice. If your advice works, then I am definitely going to buy your programs. Please help!

A.S.
Los Angeles

***QUESTION #3***

I am recently divorced and am 32 years old. Haven’t dated since I was 21. So I have just kind of thrown myself back out there. A friend of mine told me about you and this newsletter so I started reading it and am fascinated by your advice. I have always been the nice guy- ready with an honest compliment and holding the door etc. Its not an act – its just how I am.

But I seem to be sensing a problem with this…

With my friends and gal pals I get the “you’re too nice” comment all the time. I am still trying to figure out how you can be too nice. How can you be too much of a gentleman? Is this truly something that can kind of trip you up dating these days, if you are like me?

Thanks

DK – Denver, Colorado

>>>>MY COMMENTS:

It’s interesting for me to read questions like these.

The FIRST thing that pops into my mind when I see a question like this one is:

“He doesn’t get it.”

That’s it.

He doesn’t get it.

Now, I guess it’s probably obvious that a guy who writes me “doesn’t get” SOMETHING.

If he did, he wouldn’t write in for help.

I know, I know. I’m a logical genius.

Shut up.

But stay with me here…

The three guys who wrote in above all have VERY different situations.

But I really believe that they all have the same basic PROBLEM.

They’re running up against totally different challenges, but I believe that if they all understood a few keys about women and ATTRACTION, everything would change for EACH of them.

So let’s talk about those key things.

Here are a few of my key ideas:

1) ATTRACTION Isn’t A Choice.

2) Women don’t feel ATTRACTION for “nice” guys who kiss up to them.

3) If you don’t GET how ATTRACTION works, then it almost doesn’t matter WHAT you do. Nothing will work.

4) If you DO get how ATTRACTION works, then you can do almost ANYTHING, and it will work for you.

Let’s take ‘em one at a time…

ATTRACTION ISN’T A CHOICE

Women don’t “choose” to feel ATTRACTION.

BANG! It just happens.

And let me ask you something.

Do you think that the mechanism that causes women to feel ATTRACTION… the one that has evolved over millions of years… before language, before MTV, before you learned how to kiss women’s asses… is LOGICAL?

ere’s a hint:

No.

The bottom line is that if you interact with a woman long enough that she forms an “impression” of you, and she doesn’t “feel it” for you, then you’re done.

It’s over.

And no amount of chasing her around, buying her things, and being “nice” is going to do the trick.

It’s NOT a CHOICE, man!

WOMEN DON’T FEEL ATTRACTION FOR “NICE” GUYS WHO KISS UP TO THEM

Remember the guy above who asked the question “How can you be too nice?”.

Answer:

You already know… DUH.

Now I’m going to ask YOU a question…

WHY are you BEING nice in the FIRST place?

Right, right.

It’s because you WANT something.

“Oh, no”, you argue…

“It’s because I’m a NICE GUY.”

Or maybe you think that you were born this way… to be “nice”.

Or maybe you’ve even convinced yourself that it’s the “right” thing to do.

Well, it’s really pretty funny that the answer is staring you right in the face.

You keep proving to yourself over and over and OVER again that NICE DOESN’T WORK.

By the way, I love it when guys write in to me and say “I don’t want to use the things you teach because I don’t like the idea of MANIPULATING women”.

Then I ask “Do you buy women dinner, or take them out?”.

Of course, the answer is always “Yes”.

I ask “Why?”.

But I already know the answer…

IT’S TO MANIPULATE WOMEN.

Yep. And then the same guy says “Yea, but THAT’S DIFFERENT”.

OK, before I get too far off track here, let’s just summarize and say that it is EASY to be ““too nice”.

And it REALLY screws up your chances with women when you are.

Women are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.

“Overly nice” equals “Wussy”.

Remember that.

IF YOU DON’T “GET” HOW ATTRACTION WORKS, THEN IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU DO. NOTHING WILL WORK.

Think about the concept of ATTRACTION for a moment.

What is it?

Is it important?

Is it the same for men and women?

Do you KNOW how it works for women?

Have you ever taken the time to LEARN how it works for women?

Have you ever CARED how it works for women?

Are you guilty of spending more time thinking about what you’re going to leave on your outgoing voicemail message than thinking about this topic?

Well, let’s get something straight…

MOST men, and I’m talking about 95% of them, have NO IDEA how or why women feel that amazing emotion called ATTRACTION for some men.

And if they DO have an idea, it’s usually DEAD WRONG.

All most guys know is that women don’t feel ATTRACTION for THEM.

It’s obvious that our three poster children above haven’t a clue about how and why women feel ATTRACTION.

Read their emails again right now.

You’ll get what I’m talking about.

Notice something about these emails.

Notice that they all seem to be focusing on what they’re DOING, rather than what they KNOW.

“I’m in a rock band and I’m a bouncer at a hot club… but that doesn’t work…”

“I sent her an email, but that didn’t work…”

“I’m a nice guy, but that doesn’t work…”

Can you see it?

THEY DON’T GET IT.

If they did, their emails would be totally different.

IF YOU DO GET HOW ATTRACTION WORKS THEN ALMOST ANYTHING WILL WORK…

Here’s the interesting part of all of this.

If you will take the time to LEARN how and why women feel that interesting and magical emotional response called ATTRACTION for some rare men, and not for ALL THE OTHER men running around, then EVERYTHING changes.

Here are a few interesting points…

There are a few physical cues, or specific types of “body language” that instantly tell a woman whether or not you’re a guy that is even worth a SECOND GLANCE…

If you don’t know what these things are, and how to use them, then the game will be over before it has even started.

Scary.

Women test men CONSTANTLY.

And ATTRACTIVE women test men MUCH MORE INTENSELY than “regular” women.

If you don’t know how to spot these tests (and most of them are very subtle), and then deal with them, you’re going to lose your chance to create ATTRACTION before you even GET it.

Being “nice” isn’t the way.

If you want to chase a woman around for six months, buy her tons of gifts, take her on a bunch of expensive dates, and HOPE for a chance to have her as your girlfriend, then keep doing what you’ve always done.

This is the PRIMARY way that men approach the topic of “women and dating”.

I’d say that, on average, if you’re REALLY REALLY NICE, and you buy her lots of extra-nice stuff, and take a woman on at least 20 dates over a 3-month time period, that you’ll have about a 10% chance of her “falling for you”.

That’s just a guess.

But it’s probably pretty accurate.

On the OTHER hand, if you want to be the kind of guy that has women FLIRTING with you within MINUTES of talking to them, then you’re going to need to do something else ENTIRELY.

And if you want to be the kind of guy that actually has so many options, so many dates, and so many women interested in him that you just can’t take all their calls, then you’re going to need a COMPLETE OVERHALL in your thinking, behavior, and perspective.

Yes, it can be done, but “nice” isn’t the way to do it.

Here’s the irony:

Women DON’T WANT WUSSIES!

No no no!

Women are looking for MEN.

You know, a MAN?

I have a theory…

I think so many women are turning into lesbians because even WOMEN have more balls these days than most men.

You probably think I’m joking…

OK, so what should us guys do to:

1) Stop being “too nice”…

2) Learn how ATTRACTION works for women…

3) Meet and date more women successfully…

NOW THOSE are some GREAT questions!

Step 1 is to OPEN YOUR MIND to a new way of seeing things.

I watched guy who were REALLY successful with women for a LONG TIME… with my OWN TWO EYES… before I started to actually SEE what was going on.

And at first it just plain didn’t make sense AT ALL.

But once I began to understand it, everything came together in a “blinding flash of the obvious”.

Next, you need to realize that “nice” and ATTRACTION are two different things.

And they’re NOT related.

Finally, you need to GET AN EDUCATION about this topic.

It amazes me that a man will go to college, spend a hundred grand OR MORE, and feel satisfied walking out of that educational experience STILL not having learned how to be successful with women.

Amazing.

It amazes me EVEN MORE that guys don’t make the decision to actually LEARN this stuff.

Blows my mind.

Now, I’ve spent OVER five years working on this particular topic.

It took me a good 2+ years just to BEGIN to get a handle on what was going on.

It took me another year or so, AFTER I started to understand, to actually get GOOD.

After all that, I spent quite a bit of time writing notes to myself, discussing the techniques that I’ve learned and created, and putting it all together.

What’s the result?

Well, now I have several great programs that I’ve designed to help teach guys how to meet and date women successfully.

And my stuff doesn’t just focus on “what” to do. It ALSO focuses on THE WHY, and the WHEN, and the HOW.

In my eBook, “Double Your Dating”, I spend several dozen pages on this topic of ATTRACTION… how it developed, how it works, and how to understand it.

I get TONS of email from guys who say “Wow, this really opened my eyes and gave me a totally new perspective… and THAT is the thing that has made the difference”.

Of course, I also teach DOZENS of amazing techniques for everything from approaching women to getting numbers to taking things to a “physical” level.

The eBook is a complete education. Check it out here:

• Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •

When you follow that link, you’ll also be able to sign up for my FREE Dating Tips Newsletter… which is packed with even more great secrets.

I recommend that you take advantage of these resources.

I’ve put a lot of time, effort, and energy into them, and this is the first time in HISTORY that something quite like this has been available.

Go check them out.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

---

David DeAngelo is the author of “Double Your Dating – What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women”, and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating.

---

---

Next Page »